I think the reason the overdose epidemic is so devastating is that the average person can empathize with the desire to not be sober. This creates two very strong emotions, regardless of whether or not you’ve suffered a personal loss. One of these emotions is disappointment. Sometimes, this feeling comes from the painful reality that this person was ripped away from the memories that should have been. Other times, the disappointment comes from a lack of understanding – wondering why someone couldn’t find the self-control to avoid landing in that situation. We all (at least subconsciously) know that everyone is capable of self-control, which makes that misunderstanding even more frustrating. Many people experience both types of disappointment.

The other emotion we feel is fear. The fact that most people can empathize with the desire to not be sober means that the majority of the population has felt the urge – or in some form craved – to impair their own sobriety. Whether through pills, alcohol, hard drugs, or even smoking a joint, most of us have been there. And if we haven’t, we know someone who has. We understand, on some level, what drives people to feel discontent with sobriety – the impulse to numb ourselves from physical, mental, and emotional pain. The fear comes from the looming thought – whether you’re conscious of it or not – of where you or your loved ones could have or still could end up if our willpower slipped just enough to give up control. That one drink that drowns the liver to death. That one cigarette that turns a life to ashes. That one fix that ruins everything.

Addiction isn’t always physical. It takes time to become physically addicted to something, if it happens at all. Addiction starts in the mind. But the moment you start depending on a substance to feel happiness or relief or using it to distract yourself from whatever troubles you… that’s a dangerous line to walk. Once you feel like you need something (other than what all life needs to survive), whether physically or mentally, you’re addicted. Addiction isn’t always about substances. You can get addicted to things that have no way of making you physically dependent. Addiction can be as seemingly innocent as the video games you’re constantly using to escape reality, the clothes you’re hoarding, the one beer or blunt you absolutely cannot go without to unwind, or the cell phone glued to your face every day.

It’s time to stop romanticizing, normalizing, and enabling addiction. It’s time to stop being in denial. It’s time to start helping each other get better.