I’m trying so hard to find the balance between being a good friend and being good to myself. I’m trying my hardest to be open to others, to be vulnerable, to give them the benefit of the doubt… but I’m also trying my best to be protective of my energy. There’s only four people in this world that I fully trust with my whole heart and it hurts to be shown time and time again why it is dangerous to trust people. Where is the happy medium? Where is the safe place between believing in someone, in humanity, and saving yourself? How cruel it feels to be skeptical of someone who has never wronged or hurt you, yet how terrifying it feels to believe that they won’t. Truly, I think that everyone in your life will hurt you in one way or another, more so if you care about them. That’s not the part that I am afraid of or want to avoid. It’s their reaction to what they’ve done to you, their ability to be honest, to take accountability, to communicate,  to listen, to reconcile. The people in my life that I do trust have hurt me deeply, and I have hurt them, too. It was the way that we responded to one another’s pain that has proven trustworthiness. It was the understanding and willingness to place ourselves in each other’s shoes. It is quite the paradox of a life to live to feel unable to fully trust someone until they have hurt you, especially when more often than not it ends there. People will hurt you and leave you, or try to move on with you like they never did anything at all. Unfortunately that seems to be the majority. It is so scary to let people in.